Taken from my cousin, Karlo's, blog...
"For some odd reason my IQ doubles when i take a dump...Obviously i am concentrating more..But its actually my quiet time by myself, i do the most thinking and its honestly where i do my best reading...over the weekend i did my own double blind study, testing the the artform of the GRUNT while trying to achieve maximum force...There was a 55 year old guy to my left, and a young 9 year old boy to my right...
The boy i feel was way beyond his years in his Grunting technique...His grunt sound like this MMMMM.... He had a little throat action, but very impressive...I feel to become a true master he needs to work his endurance during his grunt....
The older man has been around the block, and obviously knows what technique works best for him...His Mating Call went a little something like this..."SHHRREEHHHHHHHSHHHH" combined with a sound like spit is coming out of the side of his mouth...I also imagine him pushing off one of his legs to gain more leverage and therefore more power, cuz it did sound like it was painful..His grunt lasted a good 8 seconds....and next thing you know i hear is "KERPLUNK"!!! my goodness this was a true master at work...Now he doesnt have to wipe his ass, cuz the splash he made probably made everything spotless...Wow very impressed!!!
I feel my technique is very good as well, if it was a martial art i would be a 5th degree black belt...I combine my vocal, physical, and spirtual and make it as one...My grunt sounds a little like this..."EEEEEEEEKKKK" for me holding that E note blocks away the pain...Physically i posture my body the best possible way to make everything to go down easy..I connect my knees together, put my ankles apart, and hold both walls of the stall..Its not easy to do this, so dont be surprised if u try it and u fall right over....Spritually, i block everything out of my mind and be one with my Maker..in my head i run the thought of "please God dont let it hurt" over and over till the deed is done...
Everyone has a technique, i hope learned some tips tonight...But be carefull, remember what told u was done by Professionals who perfected their craft......
While i was doing my doodie...one of my Favorite Songs played..My Body is a Wonderland by John Mayor...at first i controlled myself and limited myself to a small hum and tapping my feet...But i couldnt help it and i just started to sing when it got the part "Your Candy Lips, and your bubble gum tongue, So if you want love...." i dont know if u were in the next stall, would u be shaking my head....luckily i was finished before the other guy left, so he didnt see me...
Aight God Bless
Karlo"
This is one of the funniest thing I've ever read about taking dumps, but it is true. There are many ways to achieve oneness with yourself while at the bathroom stall. I prefer the silent approach and just let my ass do the talking. Always a good approach when you have someone next to you because it gives you motivation to rock it even harder. The best is when you get compliments from other crappers at the stall when you unload, I've had quite a few, haha. Alright, enough about this crap talk... I gotta go rock it right now, have a good one!
